Wednesday, April 3, 2013

brain vomit at dawn

Can someone please tell my brain {and all it's nerve cells, blood vessels and whatsoever} to stop my mind from thinking and rather send myself to sleep altogether? I've been forcing myself for some shut-eye for a good three hours already. Lo and behold, I am still awake! 

For one, there's a lot of friendship dramas going around. For as long as I can remember, I never tolerated such. Go ask my best friend. I met her back in third year high school. Can you imagine? As young as 15 I hated drama. What made these people think that at 26 I'd give a heck for their issues? Don't they realize that sulking for petty things is just too immature at this stage of our lives? And hasn't it come to them that when they commit they're supposed to keep it? Well unless their excuses are life and death ones. Which by the way, despite all these, I'm still being the good friend that I should be and I am thankful their excuses are just lame ones. I wish I can dive into details to prove that I'm the one who's being rational here but I won't. After all, what I want is just to rant some more. Like it's not enough that I vented out to four people already. I just can't seem to believe that a good number of people decided to act weird all at the same time. Did anyone extend April fool's? PNoy? Obama? For the life of me, I won't dare accuse Pope Francis.

And that's just the first. Still care to know what else is keeping me up? Should I tell? Oh geez, yeesss! Because it's not always that I wear my heart out on this blog. You noticed? Okay, second. I've been reading Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project". Just this afternoon while waiting for a friend {who by the way decided not to show up}, I read this part.. "Enthusiasm is more important to mastery that innate ability, it turns out, because the single most important element in developing an expertise is your willingness to practice. Therefore, career experts argue, you're better off pursuing a profession that comes easily and that you love, because that's where you'll be more eager to practice and thereby earn a competitive advantage." As obvious as it is, it got me thinking. I recently left a job I once thought I love. And just few weeks ago I started looking for the same opportunities. You know the deal - same shit, different company, more money. After reading the said lines, everything started to blur. Should I ditch my four-year software testing experience in exchange of an uncertain career in writing? or anything related to fashion? or crafts? Don't you dare make me decide tonight or you'll see the largest, darkest eye bags eveeerr!

What goes to the third spot, thank goodness, is something scientific. It's not like I'm already done with my emotional baggage but as I left the previous paragraph I realized that while I was reading the book I told you about, I was also gulping down a huge glass of iced mocha. Just so you know, I diagnosed myself of caffeine intolerance a few years back. And if you're a twitter follower, you've probably seen a "coffee jitters" tweet once or twice. My condition is that bad! With the smallest amount of caffeine - my heart palpitates, my hands shake, and this just in, I'd stay up all night.

My list can actually go on and on. I guess for my fourth reason, I'd say I'm a little worried that I started to question my happiness. There's no point questioning something you are sure about, right? I hope I'm still making sense because I'm just blabbing non-stop here. And seriously, I also hope that after reading the book {yes, it's still the same book I'm talking about} I'll be able to figure things out. I just hate this feeling because one thing I am sure about is that I'm blessed. There's no questioning that. You won't dare argue with me because I'll begin with my family and you'll STFU. But why doesn't that fact equate to pure bliss? Well, it might be related to reason number two because you can't be happiest when you're unemployed.. and worse you do not even know what you want your next job to be. Sure you can blame quarter life crisis for all this but please people, do not put the blame on my love life {or the lack thereof}. I have discussed my career and life issues to a person of high rank and I absurdly got that for an answer. If I could slap that person right there and then, I would {and because I had other reasons too, that monster! :P}. Soo.. what's my next point again? Ahh, there! I have no prince charming issues. Don't you worry with regards to that matter. God probably created me to be alone because I am awesome all by myself. Hahaha!! 

And because I couldn't care less if my thoughts are coherent or not.. you know what I realized just know? That it's also fun to wear your heart out on your blog.. to talk about yourself per se and not just happenings left and right. If I don't regret this by tomorrow morning, expect more of my random ramblings. Meanwhile, savor this post while it's still here. I might regret this in three.. two.. one.. 

Whoever said that nothing good happens after 2 am can possibly be right. Or wrong. O_o



Aiza said...

This too shall pass..

It's okay to vent out on your blog. It's your blog after all. I do it all the time! :) Haha!

It'll start to make sense soon, sis.

hxero said...

you can always try new things out... or try to fulfill dreams you thought you abandoned... you have a lifetime to figure out what you really like in life... to figure what's more important... after all, we only get to live once and it's hard to live life living on 'what ifs' and 'I shoulds'... baby steps is all you need apple... have a little faith in you... smile na dyan...

Apple Borbon said...

@miss 'chievous. thanks, sis. i really hope so. :)

@hxero. thank you so much. i honestly took this rest to ponder on things. i'll get back on track. :)